Sometimes I think that marriage is wasted on the young . The qualities that ensure a happy marriage are most of us started to dominate only after passing through many painful lessons of life. I did not marry for the first time until I was 53, and this time I had experienced many rocky relationships , he was "forced" to learn to be a better woman .
The pain was my greatest teacher . Finally stopped using it as an excuse to feel sorry for myself and I started to pay attention to how I was asked to change . The arrogance of youth egocentric and kept me wanting to go my way very relations. For a long time I neglected to cultivate and nurture the qualities required for a healthy marriage.
Here are five qualities that began to explore and develop myself. I could write a book on each , so I'll touch on briefly . To me, they are all necessary for a happy and healthy marriage components.
1 ) . open-minded
"I consider new ideas without prejudice. " When you're used to running his own life in his own way , which can be very unpleasant when you are suddenly living with someone who has different interests and different opinions than you . You can start to think, "I can not believe he thinks it is a good way to spend your time " or these things are easier to tolerate before "why do you react always this way , has no sense. " Marriage, then you tend to take a more personal way .
One of the main causes of conflict in marriage is the belief that everyone should think and feel the same way about everything. It is difficult to accept or respect the point of view of another person , especially when that seems totally unacceptable .
You may feel compelled to correct his partner, highlighting why they think wrong and why what you think is right. How someone can easily change your mind about something saying that you are wrong ? This form of persuasion never works.
Open-minded does not mean judging what is good for someone else based on what is good for you. It requires that you pass the judgment of good and evil aside and accept and appreciate a different point of view.
2 ) . commitment
" A settlement in which each side makes concessions . " If you have lived alone for a long period of time can lose sight of what it is like not to go out with her. I lived myself for 20 years before getting married , so I can not imagine how comfortable it was made my own decisions. With no one to answer , I fell into a state of mind which made me unconscious ease that I had . Even when he was in a relationship that still had the power to choose and I lived on my own terms .
If you were like me or live with her boyfriend , engagement in most decisions , if you are not accustomed to this, it can be a shock. When you are married, almost every decision you make affects another person . Not only do you have to reach agreement on key issues such as money, to live, or if I go on vacation , but there are hundreds of small decisions that now have to share what time to eat or what to do on Saturday night.
When you are open to a compromise , you will find that there are things that you have to give for the sake of the relationship, and it is not always easy.
If you are someone who has been accustomed to be always in control , it is important to prepare for " do not get away with it . " First, be honest with yourself and admit that like to do things your way . Then start practicing commitment in your life with your friends and family . You might even find a relief not to be still in charge and actually let other people share responsibility . It may be difficult at first, but there are many things that you can earn by allowing someone else to take the initiative.
3 ) . patience
"The ability to accept or tolerate delay , trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset . " This is a big No patience is needed only for your partner, but patience with yourself.
One of the biggest destroyers of marriages is angry , especially when misused and misdirected . When an intimate relationship with someone who can become a lightning rod for their anger and frustration, simply because they are there and accessible manner . It is easy to project their bad feelings towards them and start blaming and criticizing. It takes a lot of self-awareness to catch you when you behave this way.
The quality of patience , you can create more peace in your life and therefore a more peaceful marriage. It helps you navigate the problems and hassles with a clear head and prevents it from being an opponent of her husband.
There will be times when your husband do things or say things that " push your buttons " and make you want to pick on him . But if you can cultivate patience , it is easier to take a deep breath and decided to respond with love and kindness.
4 ) . forgiveness
" To stop feeling angry or resentful (someone ) for an offense , flaw or mistake." Excuse me, like patience , involves off and replace anger and guilt and acceptance love. Anger has many expressions, but most of the time will be displayed in the form of resentment and bitterness. If they are not recognized and forgiven will fester and grow. Like a toothache, ignoring them will not disappear and they will begin to really poison your marriage.
Forgiveness does not tolerate bad behavior , but allows two people to remember that they are both defective, and both deserve to be forgiven.
5 ) . generosity
" Showing a willingness to give more of something such as money or time, more than what is strictly necessary or expected. " If you marry the right person, your husband is interested in your happiness as much as yours and it is a great gift. As human beings , we must teach the principles how to share with others and how generously put the interests of another person above ours.
If you have not learned the lesson of being generous with others as a child, you can always develop now . You must be aware of the needs of others and give your time and energy for you.
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