Why Marriages Get Stuck

An acquaintance of mine , who thinks of me as a " marriage Guru , " asked me a few tips to help you re-energize your marriage. I shared with him examples of what others are doing to refresh their marital relations.

To which he answered and said, verbatim : " If I share their examples with it, my wife will wait to do the things you tell me. "

What a sad sad state. Basically , acknowledged that my ideas were solid, but simply was not interested in improving your marriage.

This statement and I my mind wandered for a few days , trying to understand the root of this observation and how my learning can be shared with you .

What I discovered is that the change is based on three things happening . If one of them does not occur , then the marriage is not going to improve .

# 1 - The people involved must be willing to change# 2 - You need to understand the root causes# 3 - There must be some form of accountability to ensure progress and success

You see, this is why I think things like weight loss programs do not work.

The person may want to lose weight (# 1) , then go to the clinic weight loss . No liability (No. 2) , the person must count calories and exercise every day, then report the results to your "coach" . But that is not addressed is the root of the problem. Why this person is overweight ? Are there any emotional or psychological problems that have caused a person to overeat ? Maybe these problems have disappeared temporarily, or may not have been head while focusing on weight loss diet . But then, at some point in the not too distant future, these "problems" resurfacing and the person becomes a psychological state in which use food for comfort or as a solution to their problems? Because clinical weight loss do not respond to the root of the problem, that accountability , which is why I think most people who lose weight gain and kick me all back again.

So how this theory applies to marriage ?

In the history of the upper part , the person has clearly no interest in changing . There are problems in the marriage that simply does not address . So no matter what you read , understand or be held responsible , it will not work to improve your marriage.

But for "normal" people , if there is such a thing , is sufficient to awaken love and friendship in marriage. Not that they hate each other, but they just put in a rut and do not know how to get out .

This is where simple exercises can help to recognize what they need from each other and work on these things to rekindle the flame .

The problem with most couples is that they want to change and may be able to find the root of your problem. It is the accountability factor which prevents the loop .

It's easy to tell your wife that you will make a conscious effort to do this or that , but what happens ? We are so busy with work and raising children can focus on the drivers of change for a day or two if you're lucky , then back into the old routine.

This is a certain type of coach can be the key to update the desired behavior change and see a real improvement in marriage. A coach can complete the loop with responsibility.

I would add that if a coach sees that the problems between the couple are beyond its scope and may require professional help and will recommend .

So when you think about how to improve your marriage, not just think you want to change and understand what is wrong , find a way to be accountable.