All About A Rabbi Funeral

By Patrick Richardson


Death is a stark reality. When one loses a loved one, friend or colleague, it is hard to believe that they are really gone until the last respects have been paid. The Jewish rites are a bit different from others but the procedure of a rabbi funeral must be followed. The first thing is to dress appropriately. Ladies are encouraged to wear dresses while men should wear a coat and white shirt. This is a sign of respect for the deceased and consideration for the bereaved family.

Some people usually attend the first session but then skip the whole graveside thing. This is fine as that is considered a private affair. However, if one is planning on attending the graveside session they should be in comfortable shoes. This is a directive especially for the ladies. Small talk is absolutely discouraged. If one does speak, they should do so in low hushed tones.

How distasteful is it to be late to a burial? It is disrespectful to both the family and the deceased. Why even show up at all if it will only breach the attention of other mourners. It is good manners to find out the exact times and venue the previous day. This will ensure one arrives early and on time for the ceremony without being rudely tardy.

The ceremony is not a get together. It is not a place where one can meet the boys and hang out. It is a somber occasion. While it may go unnoticed, one should endeavor to keep a straight face. There is something about seeing a person happily chatting away and being overly exuberant that just irks the mourning family. One should not speak unless spoken to or asked to speak. On that note, any speeches given should be kept PG. That is not the time to narrate that dirty story involving the deceased.

There usually people who are tasked with the responsibility of ensuring everyone sits where they are supposed to and moves when they are asked to. One should not purposely make the job of such people harder. These directions are meant to have the ceremony run smoothly. It would not auger well to instigate a mishap,

Usually the Jewish people plan their burials about three days after the death. This is for a practical reason as they do not believe in embalming. This leaves very little notice for people who are otherwise engaged but would love to pay their respects. In that case, the family will have a seven stay at home after the ceremony during which people can come over and give their condolences. One should find out if there is any kind of support needed for the Shiva. Even the smallest thing like serving guests is appreciated.

The Jewish faith is not for flowers in the event of death. It is seen as making a dark reality beautiful. Instead, most families will provide the name of a charity through which people can send their donations in honor of the deceased. Most charities will send a card to the family letting them know that a donation was made in their name. This token is called tzedakah.

As it is with all burials, one must be courteous. Help the old. Comfort anyone who is overcome by grief if they are close. Do not stare. Feel the pain and grieve but do not be obnoxious about it. Do not point out seemingly odd rituals. It could be fulfillment of a final wish.




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